One fitness guru’s open secret to resetting
For the majority of my adult life, I have never been a bath person. I didn’t get it…you fill the bath (which takes more time than it does to shower) and then you are supposed to what? Just sit there? Relax as I watch my fingers prune up? I just never understood the point and declared myself as someone who simply disliked the whole bath thing.
Now, I find myself feeling excited at even the thought of a bath. Give me bubbles, give me lavender epsom salts, some candles, and I will sit there joyfully in a facemask sipping on a glass of wine, thoroughly enjoying my own company. Yes please sister, any day of the week!
What made me a bath person? Learning about myself, honestly. It wasn’t the bath I didn’t like, it was sitting still without distractions that made me uncomfortable. The unclenching of the jaw, the permission to allow myself to relax, without guilt…it was something that I didn’t know how to do. I spent the majority of my pre-bath life unable to stop, constantly GO GO GOing. But it eventually all caught up with me. Let me explain…
I spent my entire life throughout my 20s on a hamster wheel. I am ambitious (a trait I inherited from my father), and had big dreams for myself. After graduating with a BFA in Musical Theater, I performed and traveled around the states, then got a job doing children’s theater in Korea and Italy which fulfilled my dreams of living and performing abroad. I then moved to LA to pursue dance and theater, and eventually landed in New York City where I transitioned into fitness, worked for top brands in the industry, danced on national TV, and trained celebrities. It was a fast paced, fun filled, non-stop kind of way to live. And I did just that, I LIVED, full - heartedly and ferociously without thinking too much about it.
And then, in the midst of this hustle, life as I knew it came to a screeching halt. My mother, who had been fighting breast cancer for over 4 years, was told she had three months to live. I took a leave of absence from work, moved to upstate New York to be with the rest of my family, and spent the next few months acting as her in-home hospice nurse. It was the most challenging and gut wrenching time of my life. My family and I spent those few months taking care of my strong-willed Mother as she slowly left this Earth. After she passed, I couldn’t stay there for long, it was too painful. So I decided that the best thing for me to do was plunge back into my old routine. In retrospect, this is where I wish I had told myself to take it slow. But I was used to living life in constant motion so I launched back into it, although instead of chasing my dreams, I was running from grief.
I became a master of fighting and pushing through. I said yes to everything - every client, every social event, every opportunity, you asked and I would be there. I numbed, I ran, I overworked myself, and I was deeply unhappy. And then, just as machines running on low batteries do, I broke. Well, actually I had a spiritual awakening. It was in a class – The Class by Taryn Toomey – taught by the incredible Natalie Kuhn. The Class is healing by nature and the self-introspection the teacher encouraged that day made me realize how fast I had been moving. It dawned on me that I couldn’t live the way I had been living anymore. I was suffering and lost and desperately needed a change. I needed a reset, and a big one at that.
It was a turning point in my life.
I spent the next two years diving into my healing. I meditated and journaled. I saw a therapist to work through losing my mother. I ended a relationship that wasn’t right for me, quit the job I was unhappy at and started working for myself. I auditioned and became a teacher at The Class. I observed, witnessed, and came to understand my own patterning and emotions. I took baths and practiced falling in love with my own company. And most importantly, I learned to slow down and came to understand that we all need to reset, more frequently than we might think.
Since then, my life has completely changed. The last few years have consisted of many exciting milestones for me. I moved from NYC to Oakland after being in a cross-country relationship with my partner. We had a baby who is now almost 9 months old and we are planning a wedding. I launched a virtual fitness studio and entered the world of entrepreneurship. And most recently, we relocated to Florida to be closer to family. All of this while also navigating the ups and downs of this completely insane pandemic.
Life is still busy AF, don’t get me wrong – but it feels different. It feels stable, intentional and fulfilling. To be honest, I am still me, and I will always struggle with saying yes too much and pushing myself to exhaustion, BUT I am slowly getting better at knowing when to stop and take a step back. I now listen to my body when I’m anxious or feeling off, and allow myself the space to explore what’s going on underneath the surface. The truth is, when I separate myself from the noise, I am able to see life more clearly. It gives me the opportunity to move forward with not only more intention and authenticity, but with more peace in both my head and my heart. I have come to learn that it is only from a place of stillness and presence, that we can truly reset.
Now that you have a good portion of my life story, let’s talk about you, my friend. I believe it is important to note that a reset doesn’t have to look like ending a relationship, quitting your job, or changing your life drastically. Small, intentional resets are necessary more often than not, especially after all that’s happened in the last few years. If you find yourself feeling exhausted, burnt out, lost or as though you’re in need of a shift, here are some things you can do:
Schedule you time. Carve out intentional time for yourself. Look at your calendar and figure out at least a day or two (maybe even 3-7) that you can give to yourself. Clear your schedule - this is an imperative part of the reset. The more burnt out you are the longer you’ll most likely need.
Ask for help. This is a hard one for us humans. Maybe that looks like therapy or investing in a coach. Maybe it’s telling your partner that you really need help with the kids so you can take some time to yourself. Whatever your situation is, don’t be afraid to ask for help and prioritize your mental health.
Give yourself permission to rest. To be unapologetically lazy. To lay on the couch and eat popcorn. To take naps. To catch up on sleep. Whatever it is, take time to truly rest, without guilt.
Self reflect. Allow time for introspection, without distraction. This could be meditating, walking in nature, taking a long bath, journaling, going to yoga, creating a vision board, etc. Reflect on your life, where you’re currently at, and how you're feeling.
Move your body. Do something that connects you to your body. This could look like a movement practice of sorts, a meditation focused on the body, a massage, or turning on your favorite song and dancing around your living room. [You can access my 20 Minute Rest and Reset Stretch on my platform for free. Discount Code: RESET]
The most important thing is to cultivate tools that help you come back to you. Explore what works for you and reference your tool kit when you need it most.
I have also put together an introspective playlist for you to try out the next time you’re in need of a reset. It pairs well with a morning coffee, a walk in nature, a meditation, a journaling practice, or anything that works for you. I hope it brings you some peace when you need it. You deserve that, my friend.
Emily Mara is a holistic movement specialist, accountability coach, and Founder of Empower by E.M, a virtual fitness studio. She has spent much of her professional life helping others to cultivate tools to feel motivated and empowered in their own bodies so they can live a more fulfilling and present life. She recently moved from the Bay Area to Jacksonville, FL with her fiance and 9 month old baby girl, Zuri.